hey hey a long time of not posting again....well i have been recently feeling rather empty.Yes,i dunno why so i searched deep in myself and found out the reason.Like i told BRo,that i had honest feedbacks from my mom that i have not changed much even after numerous church services.So many sermons but little progress.well i really agree with it.So i talked it out with joannne,and this is what she told me:

"Do u think u have changed first?Is it true that u have not changed?If u have
not changed,u wouldn't be here today in this church.So u just got to belive
that
u are changing for the better.Even Bro or Pastor Kong is
imperfect...they may
still be struggling with certain sins,but not that
much."

From BRO:

"Ok,so u are trying real hard to implement what u learnt,that's good!But its
unrealistic.We cant depend on human efforts,so we need God to change us.But its
not that after every sermon we got to go find someone to practice on what we
have learnt from the day.In such cases,wouldnt it be such a waste?relax,the holy
spirit will bring to remembrance what has been taught to us,so that when
the time comes,we will know what to do. "

I am truly aware that there is this bible reading in a whole year
programme.But Truth to be told,i am not the least bit apologetic about not
following the programme.Cos i dun want to rush through and then neglect
my
spiritual life.I can't implement it strongly.

OK one more thing.I need to be frank.I got attcked by doubts recently and i know this may shock all of u who read this new post.I just cant belive in the existence of God but i dunno why.I tried hard to pray but felt that i am just doing a duty to.And it seems to me that i never act up (like a demonic manifestation) until i got saved.All this never happened before until i belived in God and Demons.Its like if u think u are a worm,than u have succesfully made urself a failure in life.But if i see urself as a victorious person,then in your mind's eye u can be an achiever.I really dont knoe.Can anyone help me?i havent been praying or reading the bible this whole week. Cos i just find it hard i dunno why.Coming to church and cell group now seems so compulsory for me.And its like i am fighting against this feeling .I feel really reluctant now..BUT HEY ITS ALL OVER,AND I AM GOING BACK ON TRACK SLOWLY BUT SURELY.IF ANYONE OF YOU HAVE NOTICED THAT I HAVENT BEEN WILLING TO TALK TO YOU MUCH,PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS.BUT ANYWAY BY FAITH I WILL OVERCOME THIS.